If there’s one thing I’ve learned this month, it’s that no mommy is perfect. Kyson has been home from the hospital exactly one month and today is also his due date. Before he came here, I had all these plans of what it would be like and how I was gonna do this and that and “oh, that’s easy” was my mentality. While being a mother is a natural thing, being a mommy doesn’t actually come naturally.
For instance, you imagine a cookie cutter pregnancy and a sweet and happy baby when you get home. You’ve read all the books and took classes and asked all the questions. You’re gonna breastfeed 6 months, no pacifiers, you’ll go back to work, everything will be perfect! And then he’s born premature and has to stay a couple of weeks at the hospital, you can’t breastfeed cause he’s an hour away in south Carolina and you’re so exhasted and sick from all the crap they did the whole week or two before to make sure he’ll be able to make it in the outside world. But your milk comes in and everything goes smoothly except you have to pump and drive back and forth to deliver it. But thankfully he was exclusively breastfed for a whole month.
But then you get home and you stay awake all night making sure every three seconds that he’s still breathing. And when it’s time to feed him you realize that you didn’t pump all day with all the excitement and he’s too premature to latch on so you grab a bottle of the formula they sent you home with and he goes to town on it. And again at the next feeding and soon you stop pumping altogether just barely hanging on to your milk supply. Fighting to hang on until he’s big enough to forget about bottles because you’re tired of pumping.
Then there is what he does with the milk. You get pooped and peed on once or twice a week until you learn to realize what it looks like when he’s about to pee. Or that when he grunts or does his legs just so, you need to take cover. All to the point where you really don’t care about the baby poop under your nails. And spit up all in your hair becuase you’ve just fed him and you can’t get him to burp until you give up and then blahhhhhhh game over. And you said you would never put him in the bed with you but you find that at three in the morning, you’ll do anything to make him be quiet. And then at some point you realize that it doesn’t matter if they match anymore and baby goes to bed wearing a blue polar bear shirt with Tennessee vols orange and white striped pants. And then you have to learn to spend time with your husband while baby is in the room grunting while trying to poop. And so it is that you do your best and a few months ago you’d never think of being so crazy and always running behind. You haven’t washed your hair in a week and all you ask for is a moment in the bathroom alone ( y’all know what I’m talking about!) And you swore you’d never be caught dead in sweat pants.
but smelly, slouchy, covered in bodily fluids and tired…. Baby absolutely adores you and that’s all that matters.